As long as I'm thinking about eternity (see previous post), it's hard to resist thinking about the notion that in one's afterlife, there will be 72 virgins awaiting the virtuous--an idea that is subscribed to in some small corners of Islam. Now, the quotation below may not be suitable for the youngsters--so send them off for some milk and cookies! But, according to WikiIslam (OK, it's apparently like Wikipedia, but I think Wikipedia is somewhat over-criticized):
This concept [of the 72 virgins] is also quoted in the Tafsir ibn Kathir (Qur'anic Commentary) of Surah, the work of Ibn Kathir (Qur'an 55:72). Orthodox Muslim theologians such as al Ghazali (died 1111 CE) and Al-Ash'ari (died 935 CE) have "admitted sensual pleasures into paradise." The sensual pleasures are graphically elaborated by Al-Suyuti (died 1505), Koranic commentator and polymath. He wrote:
"Each time we sleep with a Houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [i.e. Muslim] will marry seventy [sic] houris, besides the women he married on earth, and all will have appetising vaginas."
Well, thanks for sharing, Mr. Al-Suyuti. I do worry about the idea that "the penis of the Elected never softens"--seems to me if that happens on Earth for more than 4 hours that we're supposed to seek medical help! Ah, the joys and sorrows of an Eternal Erection.
But, I'm not really here to make cheap, cheesy jokes. (Well, maybe I am.) But if I have a serious point, it is how utterly human and flawed is our sense of eternity. Will 72 virgins be sufficient for billions of years? What about the virgins themselves--is THEIR idea of paradise to have endless sexual relations with Old Geezers like me? (Don't answer that--it's a rhetorical question.) And what about the women in the afterlife? Are there 72 randy 16-year-old boys waiting for them in paradise? The more one thinks about all these things, the more utterly absurd they seem to be.
But the absurdity is by no means limited to the Islamic world. The person I took to prom when I was in 11th grade has written a book titled "The Antichrist Spirit in America." And in the preface to that book, she says that she knows there is a heaven, that God is sitting in heaven, and that He has a book--literally a book, mind you--which already has her name written in it. She has, apparently, a free pass, and the papers to prove it! When she enters the pearly gates, she should be sure to get a receipt.
Whoever you may be: I'm eternally grateful that you've read this! And that's really saying something.
2 comments:
Most hilarious post ever.
Update: I learned the other day in my HIS 104 (History of the Modern Non-Western World) class that "virgins" may have referred to a kind of fancy dessert, rather than women.
But I suppose even if that's the case, it's still bizarre. Maybe even more so.
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