Never mind that I have run 33 races at a half-marathon or more (6 marathons, 6 25Ks, and 21 half-marathons): when a road race is imminent, I get a little anxious and see my life pass before me. Especially with advancing age, I think to myself, could tomorrow be the day when something bad happens?
Rationally, I know better. This is like flying in an airplane--the odds are surely on my side, but then, you just never know! But I also know that I can be competitive--if not with others, with myself. And that means I can push harder than I should. And I can get preoccupied with times--now that I've been finishing in less than 2 hours at this distance, I would be disappointed if I reverted to my 2:15-ish times of a few years ago. And so I must tell myself to enjoy the journey and try to forget about times. The goal here is merely to finish, and to be around for the next one in a few months.
Running is still a religious experience for me, and it gets me as close to my best self as anything I know. To be lost in the rhythm of my strides, to take in the scenery, and to feel everyone else in the same quest is as near as I get to a peak experience. And I am so incredibly grateful that I can still churn out the miles after all these years; it's the one activity that always enables me to feel young. Because, after all, I'm really just a 22-year-old kid trapped in the body of someone much older.
If I should keel over at mile 11 or 12, I would also have to say that it's my preferred way to go. But tomorrow morning in New Prague, I hope to once again discover the wonder of seeing that finishing gate just a few hundred feet in the distance.
[Postscript: it's now the noon hour on Saturday, and the New Prague Half Marathon has come and gone. I'm happy to report that I didn't keel over and die, but there was a nasty cold headwind for miles 9, 10, and 11, which made things a little grim. Still, I managed a 1:59:53--under 2 hours--which is my goal these days. And so I live to run another day!]
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