The grimmest of times make me grimace

When the temperature in town starts heading below zero, yours truly begins to grimace. This is not a time of year when the spirit soars, and after a whole lot of winters in Minnesota, you'd think that I'd be used to this meteorological insanity. But, not so much.

Don't get me wrong--I try to embrace and overcome the elements. This past Saturday at 7:30 in the morning, my running group met as usual at the Lake Harriet bandshell, ready to head out for a jaunt at 16 below. And on both Saturday and Sunday, with proper attire, I guess I'd say that running was almost pleasant--although when I'm done, my beard, eyebrows, and eyelashes are a frosty white, caked with chunks of ice, and I resemble some sort of perverse-looking abominable snowman. Being a Finn, I summon up all the Finnish sisu that I can--that stubborn and determined mindset which is a part of Finnish culture and commands me to suck it up and head out the door.

Still, one is keenly aware that there are other options. I spent the winter of 1977-78 living in Los Angeles, and I can say that at the time I didn't miss a single thing about the Minnesota brand of winter. If we could somehow eliminate the period between December 15 and February 1--simply banish it from the calendar--I'd be a much happier camper. (In fact, I ain't no camper at all in these sorts of temperatures!) Occasionally, I think back to January of 1996--my son Tony and I had just gotten back from Malaysia, where it's always 88 and humid, and we encountered the Coldest Day Ever in Minnesota, a day when the actual air temperature (not the wind chill) reached -60 in Tower, MN. And it was on that weekend, with temperatures in the -30 range in the Twin Cities, when the boiler decided to go out in a fourplex that I was managing that was part of my mother's estate. Dealing with that was pure hell--including a bill for more than $20,000 to install a new boiler!

Best of all, consider this: some of our recent weather is so hostile to homo sapiens that one could quite literally DIE without proper planning. Yes, killed by cold air. It happens. And it's one of those times when being an animal outdoors must really suck. To all of my deer, squirrel, rabbit, and raccoon friends I say, take it easy out there! And if you need a warm place to sleep, scratch on our front door; we'll do what we can.