Getting older: truly bizarre

I've got a milestone birthday of sorts coming up in November.  On the 27th of that month, I will be eligible for Social Security.  If that doesn't make you feel a little older, I don't know what will!  (Actually, I already qualify for some "senior discounts," including the golf course that I'll be playing on tomorrow.)

In many ways, I feel as though there's still a 22-year-old trapped inside this body, and I've been doing my best to reaffirm it.  Ran a half marathon earlier this month in a slightly better time than I ran the same race eight years ago.  And at that event,  I beat a student of mine by over 30 minutes, which was a real ego boost.  And the reality is, that for a 61-year-old (gosh, it's even hard to own up to that number; I usually don't mention it), I've done OK so far.  Never a night in the hospital, never a headache, and I can still crank out 13.1 miles when I put my mind to it.  But I'm keenly aware, to use a golf metaphor, that I'm playing on the back nine.

At this point in my life, it becomes a balancing act, a kind of personal accounting, between the things that I have accomplished against all of those missed opportunities and personal failings.  Sometimes it's hard to know which side is winning out.  I don't want to live in the past, but I am constantly aware of old relationships, old memories, and all the things that I've experienced.  To let go of those memories is to let go of a lot.  And yes, sometimes I'd like a "do over," but I've come to the realization that if you put me back in those same situations in the past, I'd probably end up doing pretty much the same things all over again.  There are reasons why I am where I am, and not somewhere else.

In the end, what's hard to articulate is how truly strange it feels to be getting older.  I read the local obituaries every day, and I also notice all the various celebrities who pass on--people who were a part of my life in some way.  And I keep thinking about that famous Woody Allen notion that I'd rather not become immortal because of anything I've done--I'd like to become immortal by not dying!  I guess the latter is my plan--and so far it's working!  But it's always wise to check for lumps.